Funny Friday: Neighbor Stories

I’ve seen and heard some funny things recently. With everyone at home, we’re getting to know our neighbors in all sorts of exciting new ways! It’s gossipy, sure, but you can’t convince me that reality TV is half so entertaining.

I had one happen last week as I sat on my balcony. Two men were talking on a balcony across the courtyard. The way my apartment complex is set up, you can almost hear whispers at the far end. Sound just carries through the space.

Well, what I heard went like this:

Man 1: “So you not seein’ that same one, then?”

Man 2: “Nah. Things got strange so I bounced.”

Man 1: “Too bad, I know you said her baby girl was fun to have around.”

Man 2: “Yeah… See, I like kids anyway. They funny, make ya laugh when ya feel like cryin’. But that baby, that was… I’ll tell ya. We was out, just takin’ a walk cuz it was nice, ya know? She sees some dude and starts callin’ him over. Turns out it’s her ex. They get to fitin’ about child support, and I was thinkin’ I’d just stay out of it. No good if I say anything, right? Well, they gettin’ louder and louder and the dude says, “I ain’t payin for a kid that ain’t mine. You already done had that baby when we met. Go find her real daddy!”

Man 1: “Whaaaat!?”

Man 2: *laughs nervously* “Yeah, so I just walked away, right then. I didn’t even look back. I don’t need that kind of drama. I like her daughter, but man, I don’t need that crazy.”

It was pretty difficult not to laugh at that point because WOW and holy hells. I wanted to shout out to Man 2, “You dodged a bullet there buddy!”

Another one echoed the sentiments of many parents and partners who are suddenly forced to spend highly unusual amounts of time together, under stressful conditions. It was one line, screeched by a woman who was clearly reaching her limit.

“No! I am going out here. You stay your ass inside! I need five minutes to my damn self. Didn’t know I’d have to be under quarantine in this place with you. Huh-uh, you need to leave me my space!” (followed by the sound of the door closing – not quite a slam, but a bit of force went behind it.)

Not that these apartments are small, but apartments aren’t built for entire families to stay in them around the clock, so I’m quite sure it gets a little claustrophobic. Personally, I’m taking down mental notes on the way people speak and such for use in my writing. May as well, since I can’t exactly NOT hear. Though, man, whoever was belching last night, I hope they found something for it. That sounded painful!


If you’re not already following me on Twitter and Facebook, I’ll be sharing neighbor stories from other people today. Feel free to share your own in the comments!


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