Well, that excitement about getting a new job and finally getting onto the career track I’ve spent the last four years working for … was given a bath in nuclear waste.

I owe so much to my boss right now. It turns out the offer was a scam. He didn’t know, but he just kept feeling like something was off. Finally, he did a search online with the image of the letter I got offering me the job. He found an exact match, as a reported scam that targets people in multiple industries. I felt like a complete idiot. Then I found out that scams like this are catching lawyers, graphic artists, and others who have careers and know what the hiring processes look like. Then I called the company the next morning and found out that their servers were hacked and the offer letters and such looked legit because they were stolen from the company servers.

Awesome, right?

Honestly, I sat down and just sobbed when I found out it wasn’t real.

I’m so sick of struggling to make ends meet. I’m burnt on working in the call center, no matter how good I am or how much people hold me in regard – it’s not enough. I’ve trained, studied, practiced, and I am *ready.*

I wish I could figure out what’s wrong with the resume or the few interviews I’ve had that is keeping me from being hired. My bosses would gladly put me in a project management position if they could, so I know it’s not just me.

I’m trying to be gentle with myself, remembering that this didn’t happen because I’m not smart enough.

I’m trying to stay positive, keeping my eyes glued to that day when the job offer is legit. It WILL come, I know it will, but right now, the tunnel is awful freaking dark and endless.

I’m trying to take care of myself. I scheduled an extra appointment with my therapist on Monday so I can get some help there. I’m making sure to eat properly and stay hydrated. Sleep is a bit questionable, but I’m getting enough to not be putting myself at risk.

It’s just really rough right now. I’m more determined – absolutely in a “don’t let the bastards win” state of mind about continuing the job hunt. At the same time, I really just want to cry for a week straight from the frustration, the utter terror that I almost ended up jobless in this economy, and the knowledge that I am capable of so much more but no one seems to want to believe it of me when I send out my resume.

I pulled the promotion post. Thank you, loads and loads, to those who sent congrats to me. I do appreciate it. Next time, I swear it’ll be legit. I’ll curb my excitement until I have everything in place and know it’s not a friking scam.