This week has been crazy busy. I absolutely do not approve.
I didn’t exactly have a choice in crunching appointments in back to back, but I really dislike doing it. I work a later shift, and I have my mornings to myself. I am fiercely protective of my morning hours. Having to give them up makes me grumpy and I am feeling it. I am just done with this entire week.
I did, however, stumble into some good things.
One is a book I’ll have to keep reading and working through. It’s “The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching: Transforming Suffering into Peace, Joy, and Liberation” by Thich Nhat Hanh. I mean, I’m not converting or anything, but this book has just ripped away the fog that has been preventing me from healing.
It was recommended to me after my therapist lined out everything I’ve been through, and I ended up in tears. I’ve been so focused on getting better, recovering my life, getting back to “normal” that I didn’t even look at the wreckage I was trying to rebuild with.
The reality is, I haven’t been particularly gentle with myself, because I hadn’t recognized the damage done.
I’ll be working on that more in the coming days. In the meantime, if you see me staring off into space, it’s okay. I’m just having lots of thoughts right now.
I’m still working on learning how to know what I can do without causing a fatigue crash. I did a trip to the grocery store, a bunch of cooking, and a complete scrub of my kitchen a couple weekends ago. I then spent the next week missing work and laying on my face with my fatigue.
I really can’t be doing this to myself. I need to not miss an entire week of work. Money is tight enough with the way costs are rising. A week of not working means no funds for anything beyond the absolute basics. So, one thing per day. No more than that. Looks like I’ll be using delivery services for a while longer so I can still get grocery shopping and housework done.
I AM improving though! One of my appointments was with my doctor. I am not having heart palpitations anymore. My oxygen levels are staying at or above 95, even with light exercise. It’s insanely slow, but it’s improvement I needed.