I’m supposed to be good at using words. That’s kind of the job of a writer. I’m good at telling stories, and less so at talking about myself.
Tonight is the last night of 2018. It’s a year that has had more than its fair share of challenges for many, myself included. Yet, for the first time in many years, I find myself in a state of thankfulness for what the past year has given me.
I started the year by wrapping up the story that launched the Salvation Triad. It broke me out of a 20-year freeze on writing. I had scribbled bits of poetry, but I hadn’t written seriously in that entire time.
I launched two books, with each over 100,000 words long. I have begun work on the final installment of the trilogy. I also released a short story and have plans coming together for another two series; one supernatural and one sci-fi. On top of that, I have a total of 12 other ideas sitting in a file, each building themselves bit by bit.
I’m awake, alive again, for the first time in two decades. It’s as if someone lifted me from a fog where I’d been lost and set me back on the path I belonged on in the first place. I’d be lying if I said it felt anything less than stellar.
My PTSD and anxiety are back under control as well. Part of that is due to the writing, and part of it is due to the efforts of a phenomenal therapist. There’s still work to be done, but I don’t wake up feeling nauseated and having a heart rate over 120 at the thought of leaving my home.
I have a grandson, and I get to be a part of his life. My first two grandchildren were born far away, and still live in another state, so I don’t get to see them. I was there for his birth. I’ve been able to be a part of seeing him rolling over, learning to hold his head up, finding out how to crawl, teething, and I get to see the smile he seems to reserve just for me. I look forward, so very much, to seeing him grow.
I have the most wonderful friends in my life, too. These are the people who believe in me, who were there for me at the worst of the anxiety and depression. They checked up on me, encouraged me to keep going, celebrated every small success as if I’d just won a major prize. Some came from my beta team, some from work, but they all came from the same place my heart was born from; where unwavering faith and love in those nearest is the native language.
The coming year isn’t one I face with apprehension. I look at 2019 with eyes full of wonder and curiosity again. I have so many plans, and while I occasionally feel a bit of nervousness at the scope of those plans, I’m excited to see what they bring to my life.
So, while many curse 2018, I can’t. I thank it for the growth and the gift of reuniting me with my destiny. I thank it for the love that floods my life from every direction. I thank it for the chance to heal my wounded spirit again and to find myself enjoying my life.
I wish for everyone reading this that 2019 will bring you blessings as overflowing as 2018 brought me and that they come in whatever form you most need them to appear.
Kambry Ellis 